Without Me
by pusa.is.me
Summary: ReixAya He can’t give up hope that she’ll start to notice she’s without him. FINALLY! IT'S FINISHED!
1. Without Me

_**No no no. It's the same story, just edited a little. Plus I'm adding the other installments after this chapter, so that future readers (and those who want to reread the series) won't have to waste time skipping from one story to another to get their AyaxRei fix. Consider it my way of saying thanks to all my devoted readers out there. You guys rock! Totally rock.**_

* * *

**Without Me**

Six months and he thought he had gotten over her completely, that he could continue with his miserable life without her by his side. He really shouldn't be acting this way; in the first place, it was _he_ who broke up with her, who pushed her away even after she came begging him to take her back, to stay with her even with the knowledge that he cannot love her as much as she wanted to be loved.

No. He broke her heart, shattered it into a million pieces, then left her alone to pick up the fragments, while he, cold and insensitive as he was, continued to go about his _(un)_merry way, pretending to live a fulfilling life.

And at first he thought he could pass off as the perfect bachelor; no commitments, no strings, no nothing. And he busied himself with everything he could get his hands on – modeling projects, graveyard shifts in the radio station, overtimes in the record bar. And for a while it did him good; he was able to forget the heartbroken image of an angel he left to bleed by herself.

But now, six months after that _(un)_fateful day, he realized he could pretend no more. The memories came rushing in once again, snippets of another moment in time when he still had the luxury to hold her close whenever he wanted to, to watch her smile delicately at everything he said, to take her for granted as he would always do.

And as the floodgates of nostalgia open wide, along with it came the defeat of being alone, sad, heartbroken.

* * *

After much hesitation he finally gathered enough courage to pick up the phone and dial a number he hadn't thought of for months. He almost snickered at himself at the realization that he had her number memorized in his head, even after erasing it from his phone book.

His heartbeat increased in rhythm as he heard the first ring; he knew not what to say to her when she picked up the phone. He imagined himself saying the smoothest lines to win her back; he always had a way with her using words. He could almost picture her innocent, delicate smile when she hears his voice, a voice which, no doubt, she'd been longing, _dying, _to hear ever since the day he told her that he cannot love her anymore.

Two rings. Three.

In a few more moments she'd pick it up and the story of their lives would then continue. He wanted to remind her that she was alone,_probably as alone as he was_, inquire if she's feeling lonely, if perhaps, just perhaps, she would want to meet up and reminisce the old times. She'd most likely say yes; she never was one to turn down an invitation from him.

Four rings. Five. Six.

He'd take her to their favorite spot in the park, ask her the most nonsensical questions just to keep the conversation going, until he muster enough courage to ask if, by any chance, she'd be willing to give both of them another try. He knew she'd be more than willing to give it a shot; she had, _in fact_, been chasing him all their high school life. She'd take him back without any questions.

Seven rings. Eight. Nine.

Finally, a click. His heart missed a beat as he prepared himself to listen to the kind voice of the angel whom he left alone. He got all the words planned, every answer to every possible question she might ask ready.

_Moshi-moshi. This is Aya Hoshino. I am not home right now, so please leave a message after the beep._

All the smooth lines left his head as he listened to the constant hum of her answering machine, taunting him, proving that she had already moved on with her life without him. He dared not speak, for he feared that his voice might falter as he leaves her a message.

Five seconds more and the humming stopped, signaling that the call was cut short and that he, for all his good, _or not-so-good_, intentions, failed.

* * *

Two hours and five beer bottles later he finally fell asleep on the sofa, after convincing himself that it had all been a joke, that he didn't really intend on taking her back, that he was merely playing, wasting his spare time since he had nothing better to do.

But the tears that fell down his cheeks as he whispered her name in his sleep betrayed his earlier conviction that he was no longer in love with her. 

* * *

At the other side of town, a solitary brunette came in her house and checked the answering machine. Among the calls she received was a blank message, with only the sad humming of wind in the background, and a familiar sigh from a person whom she had never forgotten.

* * *

Sneak peak from _**I'll Be Over You**:_

_A small part of her still hoped he'd come back._

_The bigger part knew that's next to impossible, and that she should just move on._


	2. I'll Be Over You

**I'll Be Over You**

She stared out her window, not really looking at anything, and one would mistake the glaze in her eyes as tears. But it's been months since she last cried.

The feeling of emptiness had never left her, not since the day he told her that he didn't want anything to do with her anymore. Sometimes she still wondered what went wrong, but then again, come to think of it, nothing was right with the set-up to begin with. Rei Otohata wasn't exactly the sweetest person on planet earth; on the contrary, he'd probably rank third or fourth in the 'coldest person in the whole, wide world' category. She still marveled at the fact that she was able to last almost a year of dating that ice prince. Ordinary girls would have left him the minute he started giving off his cold, aloof vibes which he was very famous for.

But she never gave up on him.

It was he who said goodbye.

Sighing and knowing that things would never work out the way she wanted anyway, Aya Hoshino stood up from her bed and started preparing for another long day at work. 

* * *

It was the third guy she turned down that week, and she knew that a fourth officemate was planning on asking her sometime later. It wasn't that she didn't like the guys; they were far nicer and more sincere than Rei, and probably his only advantage over them was the fact that he could join a gazillion modeling contests and he'd always, always end up as the winner. She wasn't after looks, not then, not now. But then again she couldn't find herself accepting any invitation from anyone, knowing her heart was still unready to let someone else inside.

A small part of her still hoped he'd come back.

The bigger part knew that's next to impossible, and that she should just move on.

* * *

She passed their favorite bench on her way home and it brought back too many memories than she'd want to remember. The past always had a bitter taste in her mouth, and she wanted nothing more than to get rid of them permanently. She wondered if there was an institution that removes certain memories of your choice for a price. She'd give everything she had to be able to forget, but she knew deep inside she feared that she might.

She didn't want to forget him.

But she knew she must. 

* * *

She saw him standing near her gate, and her heart did a double flip inside her chest. What was he doing there? He was supposed to be going about his own merry way, painting the town red or whatever color he preferred. Was it possible that he wanted her back? The idea was too much for her that she found she was unable to move a muscle.

The possibility of getting back together with Rei Otohata scared her to death.

* * *

Five hours later she went back to her house and found no trace of the guy. Perhaps he finally grew tired of waiting and decided to leave. Sighing in relief mixed with a slight tinge of disappointment, she hurried towards her gate and opened it, gently entering her premises and locking the door behind.

She never saw the pair of sad, blue eyes following her inside the house.

* * *

She sat near her window and sighed for the thousandth time that night. She hated herself for not taking the chance, and she knew that it would never come again. It was only logical for her to move on, and she knew she could do it if she tried really hard, but something kept holding her back.

"I need to be over you, Rei Otohata," she whispered sadly, the tears she had kept locked inside for months finally spilling down her beautiful face. "And I'll be over you, even if it's the last thing I do."

* * *

Outside the Hoshino residence, a solitary figure remained in the shadows, his face a mask of indifference and coldness. His insides were eating him, screaming at him to just ring the doorbell and beg her to take him back.

But he made no move, and he contented himself watching her cry for him from her bedroom window.

He was still the cold Rei Otohata that everyone knew.

* * *

Sneak peak from _**Goodbye to You**:_

_"I'm only going to say this once, Aya," he said, his eyes never leaving her face, even when she refused to look back at him. "I want you back."_

_And she nearly choked her throat out, because he was so frank and straightforward she wasn't sure if it was indeed the Rei Otohata she knew from high school._


	3. Goodbye to You

**Goodbye to You**

Two weeks later she accidentally bumped into him while crossing the intersection on her way home from the library, and for three heart-stopping seconds their eyes met and both froze on the spot, without any words to say. Only the constant honking of an upcoming car's horn broke them from their reverie, and quickly he pulled her to the sidewalk lest they become two more victims of reckless driving (_or absentmindedness in their part_). 

Only when they reached the safety of the sidewalk did she finally found the voice in her throat back, and she bowed low to utter an apology she didn't feel like giving. "Gomenasai, Otohata-kun," she said, using his last name instead of his first, and he winced just the slightest bit at her sudden formality. 

He grunted in response and she felt her cheeks burn red in embarrassment, and to cover it up she feigned a fake smile and started walking away, turning back only slightly to wave and bid him farewell. 

She never got five steps away from him. 

A firm hand held her wrist, and she turned around to stare at him, wide-eyed. "Nani?" she blinked. "Do you need something, Otohata-kun?" 

That formality again. He suddenly felt the urge to whack her on the head for acting so distant, so… un-Aya-like. And he held her wrist tighter, until she winced from his hold. Only then did he loosen his grip and muttered a quick apology. 

She blinked once again, worry starting to show on her pretty face. "Otohata-kun, is there something wrong?" she asked, stepping forward to get a better look of his face. 

He looked away, hand still around her wrist, and answered. "We need to talk." 

Another blink. Boy, was she blinking a lot that day. "Eh?" 

He faced her, determination written all over his beautiful blue eyes. "We need to talk. And no, you can't say no." 

Such was the resolve in his voice that Aya could only manage a small squeak and allow him to pull her out of the thickening afternoon crowd. 

They ended up in _their_place. Her face paled, and for a split second she wondered if, perhaps, Rei had everything planned out – that the coincidental encounter in the middle of the intersection was in fact not a coincidence at all. 

He made her sit down on her usual spot on the bench, and he took his, and both looked out to nowhere, not wanting to meet the other's eyes. After tense minutes of silence, he finally took enough courage to face her and as gently as he could (whatever _gentle_meant to Rei), he took her hand, earning a small gasp from the blue-haired beauty. 

"I'm only going to say this once, Aya," he said, his eyes never leaving her face, even when she refused to look back at him. "I want you back." 

And she nearly choked her throat out, because he was so frank and straightforward she wasn't sure if it was indeed the Rei Otohata she knew from high school. She kept her eyes glued on her sandals, refusing to believe that coldhearted Otohata was actually asking her back into his life. 

How many times had she dreamt of this exact scene? How many sleepless nights did she hope and wish Rei would come knocking at her door and ask if they could work things out? How many tears had she shed because of him? Wasn't this what she wanted? To hear from him that he needed her as much as she needed him? 

But everything seemed so wrong. She wanted nothing more than throw her arms around his neck and cry "yes, yes," feel his firm yet gentle embrace around her, hear him whisper the softest, most sincere apology he could muster. And there he was, right before her eyes, asking her back. No, not asking. Telling her he wanted her back. 

Before she could even think clearly, she surprised both him and herself. "No," she whispered, gentle, but full of resolve. 

"What?" he choked back in reply. Was it possible that Aya was actually refusing him? 

"No, Rei," she repeated, using his first name, finally. "You can't have me back." She stood up and pulled her hand away, taking a step back and facing him fully for the first time. "Gomen." 

"What are you talking about?" he asked, standing as well and attempting to take a step towards her. She held a hand to stop him. "Isn't this what you wanted? Aya?" He couldn't understand what was happening, or why his eyes suddenly stung with tears. It wasn't as if he was desperate to get her back. He kept telling himself that he was doing it more for her than for himself. But now that Aya was blatantly refusing him, he felt his chest contracting, as if it wanted to explode in sorrow. "Why?" 

"Because," she said as steadily as she can. Her voice was starting to quake, and if she faltered once he'd know she was merely faking it – that she, in fact, wanted him so badly. She shook her head and took another step back. 

"Because?" he pressed, determined not to go down without a fight. Darn it, he had risked so much of his pride to get this far, he'd be damned if things didn't go the way he had planned. "Because what?" 

"Just because," she whispered, tears threatening to fall. "I'm sorry Rei, this will never work out. Both you and I know it. You do not love me _that way._" 

_What the hell is she talking about?_ he growled to himself. _Isn't this enough proof that I do love her? Why is she suddenly so distant? What happened to the Aya Hoshino I know?_

"Gomen," she repeated, bowing low once again and turning around, running and disappearing from his view. 

Rei blinked at the retreating lady until he can no longer see her, and it was then that he felt the full force of his tears cascading down his eyes.

* * *

Aya reached her house and the safety of her room, only to collapse on her bed in a fit of frightful tears. "I'm so sorry," she sobbed in her pillow, "I'm so very sorry Rei. I'm so sorry." She couldn't fully understand why she had refused him, but she felt like it was the right thing to do. Though her heart threatened to break and steal her life away from her, she had stood firm and did not take him back. 

"I'm so sorry," she continued, her pillow getting more and more soaked with tears. "I want you, I want you so badly, Rei. I want you here. But I can't. I can't. Not anymore." Another sob. "I'm not giving in this time, Rei. We don't deserve a happy ending. You don't." Hugging her pillow tighter, she continued sobbing until, mercifully, she slowly succumbed into a dreamless sleep, her very last words whispered softly for no one to hear: 

"Goodbye…"

* * *

_S__neak peak from **This Ruined Puzzle**: _

_And as the months passed by and he received no word, he slowly felt himself fade away, hiding from everyone and everything and never wanting to leave his house ever again. And he got calls from Yuuya and the others, heck, even Yamato called to check on him one time, and he pushed them all away, preferring to be buried alive inside his basement rather than face the fact that Aya no longer loved him like before._


	4. This Ruined Puzzle

**This Ruined Puzzle**

He stared at himself in the mirror, the man staring back a bitter remembrance of years gone by. He had long stopped counting the number of times he cursed his godlike beauty, the number of broken hearts he caused and the number of what-ifs he had because of his anti-social nature. He lost too many friends, made too many enemies, gave too little to others and took even less for himself. And he doubt if he could piece himself back together again. 

The only girl who even came near to making him feel whole refused to take him back, a decision that broke his heart but surely broke hers as well. He had, in the long, forgotten past, hurt her more than he had hurt any other person he knew. It was only logical for her to refuse him when he asked her to take him back, to relive their one-sided love affair where she always ended up hurt and alone. 

It wasn't as if he didn't try again after that. Several times he had _tried _to talk to her but she was either in the hospital, hanging out with Kotobuki and Yamazaki or was just plain tired. More than several occasions was he greeted by her answering machine. Definitely not a good sign. 

The few times they chanced upon each other she'd try to ask as casually as she could how he'd been, and more often than not he'd just stare at her until she flushed red in embarrassment and quickly excuse herself. No one said he had to answer those questions, right? 

One time he even told her bluntly to not worry about him; heck, he never asked for pity, _damn it. _He'll be fine on his own, and even when his everyday became a tiring routine he kept on telling himself that it was for the best, that Aya would be so much happier without him. 

_I never said "don't go."_

The last effort he made to win her back was to write her a letter, _darn it, who knew desperation could lead to romantic ploys, _and slipped it inside one of her books on his_final _visit in the hospital. He had written the letter the night before, a note to tell her plainly and honestly that he was sorry and that he wished he had never hurt her the way he had, that _if I could turn back time, I'd try to do things differently, but then again, I'm Rei Otohata for Pete's sake so heck, I KNOW I'll hurt you again, but at least this time around I won't let you leave me…will I ever get you back?_

He slipped it in one of her books while she wasn't looking, busy staring at the window in an attempt to hide her sad eyes as he told her that would be the last time he'd try to win her back, because, really, he knew she was probably getting tired of him barging into her life when she made it clear she wanted nothing to do with him anymore. 

He never found out if she saw the letter, and if she had, did she read it and did it touch her heart in a way he hoped it would? 

And as the months passed by and he received no word, he slowly felt himself fade away, hiding from everyone and everything and never wanting to leave his house ever again. And he got calls from Yuuya and the others, heck, even Yamato called to check on him one time, and he pushed them all away, preferring to be buried alive inside his basement rather than face the fact that Aya no longer loved him like before. 

And the depression started eating him away, wasting him and creating a void so big that he could no longer feel his chest, and _please oh please can't I just die? What's the point of living in this hell? Stupid, stupid Otohata, you let the girl of your dreams go with barely a sigh, why didn't you even say goodbye? Stupid, stupid Otohata…_

"Otohata?" 

And he tried to blink back the darkness, because that voice sounded too familiar and he felt his heart returning and it was the most inexplicable feeling he had ever felt his entire life. 

"Otohata-kun?" 

_Kami, if this is a dream, please don't let me wake up…_

"Rei, please wake up…" 

Blue orbs met copper, and he felt the missing piece of the puzzle finally found its way to make his picture whole.

* * *

_Nope, I do not yet have the final installment written out, so there won't be any sneak preview this time around. I will try to get something out before the month ends, but I'm not making any promises. Hope you enjoyed the stories so far! _

_- kyd_


	5. The AfterLife of the Party

**The (After)Life of the Party**

The first night Aya visited his apartment unit after more than a year of separation, Rei was still too dumbfounded to do just about anything else other than stare as the blue-haired beauty tried to straighten his mess of a living room.

"Yuuya-kun called me," Aya was saying as she rearranged the picture frames on one of the shelves. One of the frames contained a picture of her and Rei, and the lovely brunette quickly placed it behind the other frames. "He said you haven't been answering any of his calls." She then bent down to pick up the scattered discs all over the floor, and began matching them with their corresponding covers. "Then Ran and Miyu both texted, telling me that they haven't seen you _anywhere _for the past month or so." Finally, she stood up and started gathering the empty glasses on the coffee table. "You shouldn't hide like this," she said, heading towards the kitchen counter and depositing the glasses. "Are you even going to work?"

Rei made no attempt to answer, just continued staring as Aya continued fixing his apartment up. "It's good I still have that spare key of this place with me," she said as she washed the dishes. "Otherwise who knows how long you'd be moping around alone?"

Finally, she finished and went back to the small living room, sitting on a chair directly opposite to the sofa, where she had deposited him an hour earlier after finding him sprawled on the kitchen floor.

"Otohata-kun," Aya called his attention, but Rei merely stared back. Aya sighed, stood up, and picked up her purse. "Well, it's best I get going now," she said, heading towards the door. "My shift in the hospital starts at 7 o'clock tomorrow, and it's already past ten in the evening." A pause. "Take care of yourself, Otohata-kun."

And Rei heard the door open and close gently, and it was only then that he found the strength to whisper those words he should have said before.

"Don't go."

* * *

The second time Aya went to his apartment was a week later, and she said she was in the neighborhood and decided to drop by to see if Rei had in fact been tidying up even just the tiniest bit. She was a bit annoyed to find that his apartment looked more or less exactly the same as she had left it a week ago.

"Do you even eat?" she asked as she opened the refrigerator, only to find two jars of pickle preserves, and a six-pack of beer. Slamming the door shut, she sighed, exasperated. "I'm going to have food delivered," she said, grabbing the wireless phone across the room. "What do you want?"

And Rei wanted to answer _I want you, dumbass, _but he merely stared back and continued sitting on the same position Aya had left him on, as if he hadn't moved at all.

Aya sighed again, dialed a number, and placed an order for some bento. Hanging the phone, she sat on the chair opposite Rei and frowned at her companion. "What is your problem, Otohata-kun?" she asked. "This is not the Otohata-kun we all know."

Rei looked away, wanting to say that the Rei Aya and her friends knew had died a long time ago, when she refused to take him back after he all but begged her to.

Aya sighed again, and leaned back against the chair. They sat in silence, until the delivery boy rang the doorbell, and Aya was relieved to have something else to do, rather than stare in space as her companion obviously was in no mood to talk.

"Here," she said, placing the bento on the coffee table. "Please eat something Otohata-kun," she said, picking up her purse. "I'll drop by again in a couple of days to check on you."

As she headed towards the door, she thought she heard Rei say something, so she turned around to ask, "What did you say Otohata-kun?"

But Rei did not answer, simply stared at the bento Aya had ordered for him, not wanting to repeat what he had just said. _Don't go._

Aya blinked, and realizing that she must have been hearing things, turned again and exited the unit.

* * *

The third time Aya went to check on Rei, she was pleasantly surprised to see that at least the apartment was showing a bit of improvement. At least there were no longer scattered paper on the floor, and the dishes had been washed and kept in their proper places. She was also pleased to find that Rei had apparently moved from the sofa and was wiping the beer stains from his table.

"Hey," Aya greeted, heading towards the kitchen counter and placing down a bag of groceries. "Thought you might want to eat something other than cold pickles and ordered bento." Rei didn't answer, but he stood up and checked the grocery bags. Aya smiled at him. "I heard that you've been going to work again," she said. "That's good."

Rei merely stared, and Aya fought back a blush. "Anyway," she said, "I can't stay long. I just dropped by to check on you. I need to go somewhere after this," she said, taking out the contents of the grocery bags. "I'll try to check on you again another time."

"You don't need to do that," Rei answered, even when what he wanted to say was something along the lines of _Don't go._

Aya looked up and nodded uneasily. "Well, if you say so then," she said, bowing slightly and started off. "I'll see you around then, I guess."

And before Rei could even think of a reply, she was already out the door.

* * *

The fourth time Aya dropped by for a visit was after another week, and she was happy to notice that the unit was being kept tidy, as if Rei had returned to his old self. Unlike her three previous visits where she simply used the spare key she got from Rei a long time ago, she knocked on the door, and was pleased to have Rei open it for her, other than having herself barge in the place in worry.

"Hey," she greeted as Rei let her in the house. "Am I disturbing you or something?"

Rei shook his head, although there were a number of papers on his work desk. Aya spotted them, and hesitated.

"If you're working, I can always drop by another time."

Rei shut the door behind her so loudly that Aya jumped. And before her brain could register what was happening, Rei was already enclosing his arms around her and locking her in a tight embrace.

"O-otohata-kun?"

"Stop calling me that," Rei said, burying his face in Aya's hair. "I like it better when you call me by my first name."

And they stood there for what felt like eternity, when in fact it was only for a few minutes, the only sound present was the sound of their breathing. Finally, Aya disentangled herself from Rei's embrace and bowed. "Uhh," she said, fishing something from her purse. "I just dropped by to check on you… and to return this." She handed the spare key to Rei, but Rei merely stared at it. "I, uhh, I should have returned this sooner, but I didn't…"

"I don't want it back."

"Eh?" Aya blinked, not sure what Rei meant.

"I already have a key to my apartment," Rei said. "What do I need an extra key for?"

"But…"

"Keep it."

Aya shook her head. "No," she said softly. "It's not right. We are no longer… I shouldn't get involved with you again."

Rei frowned and took one step towards the now fidgeting lady. "And why is that?"

"I… uhh…" Aya stammered, taking a step back.

"You're the one who started coming here in the first place," he said. "I never invited you over. The least you could do is to _not _stop."

Aya sighed. "I found your note," she answered, looking away. "The one you left in one of my books."

Rei blinked. He had almost forgotten about the note. That moment felt a lifetime away. "You're taking me back?" His heart jumped, more like leaped, and it was all he could do to stop himself from grabbing Aya and crushing her against him.

"N-no. Otoha—"

Rei's heart plummeted down suddenly, and he found his cold self trying to clamor its way back out in the open.

"I said don't call me that."

Aya clenched her fists. "I have to go," she said, placing the spare key on the shelf next to her and attempting to head towards the door, which Rei was successfully blocking.

"Don't go," Rei finally said the words he had wanted to say.

Aya looked up, her eyes misty with tears. "W-what?"

"Please," Rei said. "Don't go."

It was all Aya could do not to throw her arms around Rei and hug him, hug him for real. Instead, she firmly shook her head and said, "Please step out of the doorway, Rei."

"Please," Rei repeated, but Aya shook her head once more. "Please let me go," she whispered, her voice filled with sadness, that Rei reluctantly stepped away as she opened the door and closed it without another word.

* * *

The fifth time Aya Hoshino went to Rei Otohata was a month after, and when Rei opened the door, she flung her arms around his neck, and Rei caught her just in time to stop both of them from toppling down the floor.

"I'm not going anywhere," Rei heard Aya whisper in between sobs, her pretty face buried in his chest. "Not anymore."

And Rei tightened his arms around her, and buried his face in her hair, and whispered back, "Neither am I."

**END**

_

* * *

It is finished. Finally. After a two-year hiatus, I finally finished this series! All because I watched some Supergals episodes over the weekend. Woot. I hope the readers (are there any left?) enjoyed this last installment, and I hope that you will still tolerate me as I try to finish _Fairy Tales and Castles, _and _Mistakes We Knew We Were Making. _Please leave a review. It will help brighten up an otherwise bleary day. Thanks!_


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